A Huge shoutout to our amazing photographer/videographer, Kate Olson. (https://www.instagram.com/theevergreencreative/). The link to our birth story video posted below.
1:30AM: Friday I woke up to what I thought was the normal period-like cramping I had been experiencing most of the last week and half. I chugged some water and repositioned myself, which usually helped it go away. Maybe 5 minutes later the cramping returned, so I got up and walked around before climbing back into bed. The thing is, that didn’t help either. These felt different. I tried to walk it out a little longer, tricking myself into thinking it was all in my head. About an hour later I woke Pat up… I think I’m in labor. He suggested I call Emily, our doula. As I pressed send to call her, tears just started rolling down my face. When she answered, I could barely spit out the reason for my call. She knew, of course. The tears were happy tears… some fear, but excitement. She assured me this was completely normal, after all, you’re soon going to be meeting your little girl very soon. A couple more contractions came while on the phone with her. I could easily talk through them, but she gave me some calming words and breaths and suggested I take a hot bath. I went next door to wake my mom up and give her a heads up. We hugged. Pat ran a warm bath and lit some candles. I climbed in and he sat with me and we talked and listened to some music. The contractions had been anywhere between 3-8 minutes and 30(ish) seconds long at that point, the warm bath slowed them. By now it was about 3:30am; I decided to get out and that we should try to get some shuteye for the marathon ahead.
Sleep. Probably not the easiest thing to do with contractions and excitement and nerves all rolled together. I dozed in and out through the rest of early Friday morning, trying to relax in bed until about 9:00am. I called the midwives to let them know what I had been feeling. Holly joked she had an inkling since it showed I had checked into the online portal at 2am to research “the stages of labor”. Ha-ha…that is the planner in me. Our midwives had suggested that Pat and I have one last date if I was up for it when labor started. Brunch at I-hop it was… so, we got dressed in our best sweats and headed out for our last meal as a family of two. French toast, eggs over easy, and toast; the usual. All throughout breakfast the contractions remained mild, spanning still from 4-9 minutes, lasting less than a minute. I talked and laughed through some and had to pause and breath through others. I got this. The remainder of the day consisted of a couple more warms baths and walks with the dogs, Pat, and my mom, and grabbing some burgers out to eat, a second “last supper” with the three of us.
Contractions were frustrating me, they were strong, then weak, they came every 3 minutes, then they’d come every 10. It was now 7pm and I was antsy. What else can I be doing? They were getting stronger, forcing me to grab something nearby, sway and hum a little through each one. Now lasting between 45 to 90 seconds, but still anywhere from 5-10 minutes apart. I called Emily again. She helped me breath through the wave of the pressured pain, in 1,2,3,4,5…20 seconds…out 1,2,3,4… and let it go. I didn’t feel like I needed her yet, so instead of a bath, she had my doing lunges with each contraction. With one leg up…on. a. Chair. (woooof). But I did. By this time, we had pulled out some cards and dominos… so every few rounds I’d feel a contraction starting and I’d do my best to lift my left up and lunge through it. Talk about a new kind of discomfort. By the way, I won two card game rounds of OG. Now 10:00pm with no big change and knowing it was going to be a long night, we all tried to get some more rest. Not even an hour after lying down, I felt that shift. I can’t pinpoint the feeling, except to say now I couldn’t even talk through the pain… still 6-7 minutes apart, but so much stronger. I made myself one more bath before calling our midwife to say I needed to come in. I woke Pat and my mom up and we got our selves changed, dogs let out one more time and we drove to the birth center.
It was about a quarter after midnight when we walked in the door. I was nearing 24 hours of contractions. The first thing they did was check our vitals. Both baby and I were doing great, blood pressure the same 60’s/100’ as it was nearly my whole pregnancy. I laid back and tried to relax as I got my cervix checked for the first time. We were at 5, the perfect time to come in. At this point then it was just getting me as in my zone and comfortable as possible to progress through the remaining 5cm. To the tub I went. And let me tell you, I had been dreaming about this tub ALL DAY. One I could actually float in. Pat helped me strip down as Emily set out some relaxing lights and essential oils. Lavender, my favorite. We got some music playing, I needed something relaxing at this point, so it was a mix of The Head and the Heart, Bon Iver, Ben Howard and some more… and then it was time to float. Now we were to a point that each contraction was consistently 4 or so minutes apart and lasting a minute a two. I remember at some point my legs just started shaking and I remember calling it out and apologizing because I couldn’t control it. Emily assured me it was all normal, the hormones running through my body getting it closer and closer. With each wave of that pain I’d hum while Pat & Emily applied counter pressure. I swear these two got together and practiced beforehand, because whatever they were doing felt amazing.
That early morning felt like a complete blur. It felt like I had been in the bath hours, yet also like I had just gotten in. Two hours passed with the strengthening of contractions, time to get checked again. 8 cm… 8! It took nearly 24 hours to get to a 5 and here I had progressed 3cm in just 2 hours, you can believe I felt like a dilating Rockstar. Back to the tub I went – it seemed to be doing my body wonders. I climbed in and paused before lying back. Another contraction, this time much different. I’m starting to feel like I need to push. Nope, you can’t yet. I bent over the tub gripping Pat tight as I tried to learn how to work through this new feeling. Let’s get out of the tub and try something new. We decided side lying in the bed. I dried off and wrapped up in a robe, climbed into bed, and was checked once more to see where I had gone with this change in feeling. 9cm. 9 cm but my water still hadn’t broken yet. They offered the nitrous oxide to help me through that push feeling, I said yes. Then as they were about to walk out the door. “No, no I can do this.” I’m going to keep working through it. It was time a for a new playlist, I needed change. This time we mixed in some Lizzo, Cardi, DaBaby and I think a little Tone Loc & Biggy. I can remember feeling so hot. Our photographer, Kate, and my mom were taking turns fanning me off while I had a cold washcloth on my forehead that they changed out every so often.The pain and intensity to push grew, and I had to work harder and harder to fight that urge. For me it was like my body was trying to do the very thing it’s meant to get your child into this world and I’m being told no. I have to tell my body no. I have to fight it, fighting me. A wave of “push” would come, and I’d yell I NEED to push, and the midwives would breath with me… getting me to bring my voice deep and low as I moaned to help bring the baby lower. This was the most intense thing I’ve ever gone through. The most painful. And there was no stopping, just anticipating the next contraction. This had been a couple hours. At this point in my birth story, I needed something. It was time for the nitrous. I put the mask on and tried to breath it in. The thing is, every time that painful urge to push came, I had no strength to hold the mask. I’d drop it and squeeze a hold of Pat or push on Emily and need to use every other bit of energy to try to hold that urge to push. I was exhausted. I felt like I wasn’t even in my body.
With no progression and my water still intact, Holly, our midwife gave us the option of breaking my water. With that, all things could great and we would progress… OR our baby girl would not react well. In this case I would need to be prepared for them to call the ambulance and get us to the hospital. That was a terrifying thought. I knew if that were to happen, I would feel defeat and would need more intervention. I felt so burnt out from the last, what now had been 27 hours of labor. I looked to Pat, and he put the decision back on me, knowing it was because my body was the one running the marathon. I took a deep breath and decided for them to break my water. I knew I didn’t have much left in me, and I still had to get to the point of pushing, and baby girl had been doing so well through labor, heartbeat still great. My heart and instinct told me this was the right decision, so they got us prepared.
Still fighting the urge to push, I rolled to my back and they broke my water while simultaneously monitoring her heartbeat. I felt the most massive release of pressure and for a few moments, I had peace from the contraction pains. 10cm. I resisted the urge to start crying, she was ready to come out. I could stop fighting my body and start working with it to welcome our little girl into the world. Our birth team had me start on all fours to work with gravity. One attempt to push and my body said no. I turned to my side, facing and holding Pat while Emily held up my leg. Still wasn’t quite right for me, I couldn’t get enough power with each contraction. I turned completely on my back. Pat climbed behind to support me, I held his hands and braced myself through each push.
It’s amazing what new feeling, pain, pressure, & strength it takes with each stage of this process. I’d have the most relaxed feeling as the height of each push came to an end. Then it was time again, and that indescribable pain and pressure would start its wave again. I’d start a moan to get through it which then turned into an all-out scream ( legit like the movies). I was reminded later that I apologized for being so loud, in which Pat responded that “you have to do it, it’s just like lifting weights, you have to grunt through the push to get momentum, I get it, keep going”. Keep going, that’s the only thing you can do. It’s amazing how your body can work in these intense moments. It’s as if I stepped out of myself. And you just keep going, not even knowing you’re doing it. You just do. The next push, she was almost there. Holly asked if I wanted a mirror or if Pat or I were ready to catch her. I couldn’t, I was in a zone and I felt like the only thing I could focus on was pushing. I’ll give myself some props for not multi-tasking because we were only 28 minutes into pushing when another big contraction came. I belted out again and beared down. This was it. I noticed smiling on faces around me and then this little beautiful body was lifted onto my chest. Our little Collette. I’ve never felt such a warm rush of peace and complete happiness. She was finally here. 40 weeks & 2 days.. and she was finally here.
